Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
