So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
