I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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