he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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