Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
