im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
