I showed him my bush... on skype.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
