Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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