I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
