Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In other news, I just burned my penis
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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