your parents love me but you hate me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
