You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
