So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
