just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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