i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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