My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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