somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
