Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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