I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I use my feet as sexual weapons
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
