Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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