did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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