Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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