if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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