If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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