Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
