i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
