some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
