Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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