Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
