Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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