Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
