I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
