1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
