Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
