well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize