After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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