You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
we're so committed to being not committed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
