In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
