Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
