Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My life is pants optional.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
