our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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