Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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