why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
