we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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