sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
