we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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