Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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