Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
