You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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