You're so nebulous sometimes
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
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I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
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I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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