Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
