I wish I could punch you in the face.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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