Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
