Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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