Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
