I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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