I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
