I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
