Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
