my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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