I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he shaved USA in his pubs
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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