An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
