Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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