please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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