hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
