I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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