I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
