she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
