i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
