let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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