Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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